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Please don’t let me have stomach cancer

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Dear Sweet Lawd Jesus – Please don’t let me have stomache cancer.

So I’ve had a stomachache the past couple of days that was a mite concerning.  Then this morning I woke up to a sharp pain in my left side and it hurts when I breathe.  Not a good sitch for a hypochondriac.  I can’t remember if I’ve always been a hypochondriac or if it just started when my brother became a doctor.  I find myself calling him probably more often than he would like asking him things like, “What does THIS mean?”  Thank God I have my brother – he’s so great at keeping my neuroses in check yet still finding a loving way to reassure me. 

Anyway, so I’m thinking I have some kind of internal cancer, then my mind is racing through all of the good people who have been taken by organ cancer, Farrah, Patrick, Angelina Jolie’s mother.  Even my friends’ mother’s colon cancer started as a stomachache.  So I’m thoroughly convinced I have it.  So the first thing my brother says is, were you drinking last night or the night before this started?  And I’m like………..yyyyes. 

“Yeah, so it’s probably pancreatitis and the reason it hurts all over is because of the fluid from the inflammation.”

I’ve never been so overjoyed to hear I might have pancreatitis.  Score!  If I went to the hospital for that he said they just wouldn’t let me eat or drink for 48 hours, pump me up with fluids and put me on pain meds. I’m going to try the poh man’s version of that and just drink water all weekend.  And pain meds are for pussies, I really don’t need ibuprofen for this.  Granted it would be nice to have a little vicodin in my medicine cabinet, but I’ll survive and I”m not about to hang out in the hospital over the weekend. 

Happy Friday everyone!   What is the moral of the story for today’s lesson?  Don’t drink too much unless you too would like to have pancreatitis! 🙂


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