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So I went to my first AA meeting yesterday and heard stories equally horrifying if not moreso than mine.  A friend of mine has really taken me under her wing whom I relate to.  Of course the first day I was renewed with a sense of enthusiasm and excitement about getting sober, but today I am weepy and depressed.  The problem with most alcoholics is that they drank to self-medicate because they felt like crap.  I don’t want to whiteknuckle it or feel bad.

I suppose I’m exhibiting much of what are considered dry-drunk symptoms, but the alternative is not feasible.  I am grateful for many small things that have happened but I am still left with nothing right now and can’t drink to escape my malaise.   I would really love to eat as well, but I have $2 to my name.  That’s what happens when you lose your job, your purse, your cash etc. 

Food is rather important I imagine when trying to not feeling depressed.  Tomorrow time to look for a job again.  There is nothing more than I would like than to go to a holistic retreat for 30 days right now and just be taken care of.  Sometimes I just don’t have the strength to play mother to myself.

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