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I Fold

In one of my less than lucid moments, I challenged my brother to a 10-day no caffeine challenge.  Just a few minutes ago, in a weaker moment I broke and went to Peet’s to get my fix; this after four days of excruciating restriction, headaches, grouchy moods, and sub-par productivity.  Of course, this was all my idea and while I didn’t think it would be easy I was sure I would prevail.  As a sidebar, I just quit drinking alcohol one month ago, so to throw caffeine into the pot is nothing short of masochistic.  Why didn’t I just join a convent and skip all the steps in between?  I mean really.  Over the course of the last 4 days my two minds have been arguing:  The Good, Pure, Healthy One: “Stay the course, give your kidneys a break.  Your brother will never last, you can beat him.  Show yourself you’re a force to be reckoned with – if you can quit caffeine you can quit anything. Who knows, maybe after this is over you can dabble in triathalons!”   And The Bad I Don’t Give a Sh*t One: “You’re not getting anything done.  You’re a grouch and impossible to live with without caffeine. God wants you to be happy – and if you’re going to live up to the Golden Rule, you would be wise to caffeinate thyself so you’re not growling at everyone within a 60 mile radius.”

Clearly, the Bad won out in this instance.  How pathetic is this??  I even tried to “renegotiate the terms of the agreement” (very creative) by proposing this to my brother:

“I would like to renegotiate the terms of our agreement. Having come to the conclusion that trying to eliminate caffeine when we both basically shoot it up every day is nothing short of lunacy, I am proposing this: We extend the challenge to 30 days ending December 16th, BUT we can have ONE cup of coffee every 4th day (today, 23nd, 27th, 1st, 5th, 9th, 13th) should we deem it necessary. This comes to 7 days of coffee drinking, which we can either choose to space out every 4th day or take all at once as long as we abstain for the rest of the time until Dec 16th. The point is that most people who do this wean themselves off rather than throwing the baby out with the bath water which is nothing short of insane. My head still hurts, I can’t think, and I’m not getting any work done. In short, I’m no more useful than an amoeba right now. If you would like to counter with any additions or revisions I am amenable to that. But please decide quickly as I still have many hours of the day left and Peet’s is just downstairs.”

 Every 4th day?  Now that is truly lame.  Since I didn’t hear from him in the next 20 minutes after posting I took that as a sign from the Universe that my decision to go to Peet’s was indeed a blessed one.  As I came closer and closer to my drug pusher’s abode my heart practically jumped out of my mouth in excitement.  When I reached the counter I informed the barrista of the challenge with my brother that I was now breaking, and she was the lucky person to serve that first cup and witness my defeat.  Miss Thang started getting all up in my grill and tried to deny me my cup of coffee.  “No, you can’t have it. What’s your brother’s number?  I’m calling him and telling.”  Oh no you din’t!  Messing with an uncaffeinated chick deprived for 96 hours of her favourite food in the whole wide world does not bode well. After a couple laughs she gave me my large Peet’s and I practically skipped back to the office completely secure in my defeat.  Think about how happy I’m going to make my brother when he finds out he can switch back to hi-test fuel again rather than that hot lemon water crap he has been subsisting on.  Think about all of the love I’m spreading like a butterfly ripple effect – how happy my sister-in-law will be that she can stand being under the same roof as my brother now, and all of the people on the receiving end of my good mood!

I can’t say I have any regrets.  However, I did learn a valuable lesson – I did the unfathomable for 4 days in a row, so now drinking decaf coffee every day will seem like a cakewalk, should I decide to move in the direction of complete health once again.  To be truly free of all addictions and dependencies would be awesome and while I’m taking steps in that direction, I’m not quite there yet.


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