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2009 Was Asinine

…on so many levels, but who wants a nasty break-up?  Those suck.  So instead of taking the piss out of 2009, I would like to send the year on its way with class by focusing on the best of 2009.


BEST IDEA: Out with the Bush-man, in with Oh-Thank-God-We-Now-Have-An-Intelligent-Measured-Calm-Diplomatic-Compassionate-Decisive-Fair-Peacekeeping-Cool-President-BAMA. – I think we all remember the amazing vibe of this day.  It was palpable and surreal.  I was quite jealous because my brother and his wife (after countless hours working on the campaign) got well-earned seated tickets to the inauguration and tix to one of the 10 balls the Golden Couple was attending.  He was kind enough to call me that weekend to tell me he was about to go hear U2 play at Lincoln Memorial.  Um, hello, green over here!  And how do you get 3 million people coming to our nation’s capital and have not one single arrest or episode of crime or violence?  Um, hello!!!  The day was clearly blessed with fairy dust. I decided to at least honor this global day of relief by taking the morning off work and watching the inauguration in a bar fully intending to return to work that Tuesday afternoon.  Um, yeah that didn’t happen. After that “Just one!” bloody mary, I got swept up in the Mass Elation by binge drinking well into the next day, finally showing up to work again on Thursday.  So sue me, it was so worth it.  I would’ve done it again if the clock rolled back to January 20th, 2009.

BEST MOVIE: No, this isn’t any kind of scientifically measured Academy vote, just my personal favourite.  Notice none of the titles have violence, blood or gore. I really wanted to see Inglorious Basterds too, but mostly stick to the uplifting flicks and Quentin Tarantino doesn’t usually fall under that category.  I call it a tie between MJ’s This is It, Up, Up in the Air, The Blind Side, Hangover, and Julie & Julia.  Okay, if I had to pick one which is excruciating, I would have to go with…yeah, I can’t pick one.

BEST ALBUM: Viva la Vida – Death & All His Friends by Coldplay. Yeah, I know it dropped in November of ’08 but we jammed to it through ’09.  Mind you, this has nothing to do with the fact that I am in love with Chris Martin.  Great band.  For all you haters out there (let’s be honest, mostly dudes who are jealous that Chris’s falsetto voice makes the ladies swoon) let’s put our gloves back on and jam to Viva la Vida.  You know you want to.

BEST MOVE I MADE:  I quit drinking on October 17th 2009 after 3 years of desperately trying to quit unsuccessfully, something finally clicked (knock on wood.)  Yes, sometimes it sucks not getting to check-out on stressful days or to waltz into merry bars full of good cheer and being Gregarious Fun Girl as the life of the party, but actually… oh i don’t know… being Alive is a much prettier alternative. This after hundreds of blackouts, cringeable drunken voicemails and texts, 4 overnight hospital visits for alcohol poisoning, two overnight stays in a sober cell, countless UDI’s (unidentified drunken injuries), probably thousands of dollars lost in cab rides, phone replacements, lost coats, not to mention booze.  It is truly a miracle I am walking among the living today and incredible I have not been disfigured, raped or pissed the wrong person off whilst completely inebriated and gone from the building.  I have no shame in airing dirty laundry such as this and I will continue to do so if it helps someone else who is suffering through a similar kind of pain.  And for anyone who either does not have a problem with addiction or does not understand how extraordinarily powerful and oppressive it is, some words of wisdom:  Keep your mouth shut and the judgments stifled. 






Have a blackout for me as I will be ringing in the new year with milk and cookies. Welcome 2010, it took you long enough!  Oh, and please take off your shoes before coming inside.  If you don’t mind spending a few moments with 2009 and our transition team so we can make the transition smooth for everyone and you can learn what not to bring with you next year, that would be great.  Out with the old, in with the new everybody.  Have a Happy New Year  and a really Blue Moon.


2 responses »

  1. love it.


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